You guys ready for this? No, you’re not. The single best/worst vlog I’ve done to date.
I have a hot case of undiagnosed seasonal depression. If I’m self-diagnosing, though, I could probably go as far as to say that I’m depressive most of the year, but during the winter and summer months I get worse. Maybe I should say I have seasonal clinical depression?
I’m fine and I laugh and I go out most of the year, but whenever the weather changes drastically I get very introverted. Suddenly I have no interesting in being with other people and my self-confidence—what little there was to begin with—plummets like a hawk going in for the kill.
It’s been like this for as long as I can remember and I’ve learned to push through the seasonal changes. The real problem occurs when I don’t realize it’s happening.
You see, at times I’ve found myself severely depressed and I have to stop and ask, “When did that happen?” Like someone turning your bedroom light off while you’re deep asleep, and not realizing it until you wake up the next day, my mental health would tip-toe off in the night.
Thus I found ways of keeping track of my level of depression when I would otherwise be allowed to forget about it until I was in too deep. Ways like noting the number of times I’ve gone out to be with friends in the past month; how late I allow myself to sleep in; and how often I buy lottery tickets.
Lottery tickets. However absurd the very idea is, they help me realize faster than anything else that I’m slipping away into the isolation of my mind.
Half a decade ago I was buying them two, three, or more times a week. Then, when I started investing in more realistic financial endeavors, I cut back to once or twice a month. Eventually I was down to twice a year—once around Christmas, once for my birthday (or, one in winter, one in summer).
However, there would be times when I would catch myself buying them up once or twice a week again. I stopped and looked at myself, only to realize the reason: I was depressed.
Now, there is a certain direct connection between my depression and money—in that I get depressed when I have none. Whoever came up with that old phrase of “money does not buy happiness” was more than likely in deep denial. But there is also a more subtle connection: The fantasy.
I never win; not even my dollar back from a few matching numbers. Never. In fact, I find it highly improbable the number of times I’ve not gotten a single number right. Somewhere in the past few years, however, I stopped playing for the money and kept playing for the fantasy
I could fall asleep at night thinking about what if and the kind of person I could be if only. I didn’t expect to win, but having that slip of paper in my wallet allowed me to live the fantasy—if only for a day or two.
There’s a phone number on the back of lottery tickets for gambling addiction. But where’s the number for fantasy addiction? I would say that paying sixty dollars for a video game is the equivalent, but playing video games at least gives me better hand-eye coordination! Lottery tickets give me nothing, except a false sense of hope.
I hear people talk a lot about mental health. Unfortunately it’s usually in regards to real psychopaths—and usually right after a large number of people have died at the hands of one. People hardly ever talk about depression as mental health, and when they do, they treat it like a wart you can will away. They want to say, “If you’re feeling depressed, go get some help” like I can jog down to the corner store for an over-the-counter prescription that’ll make things better.
But pills don’t make things better. They mask your true emotions so that you can pretend to be happier than you really are. Chemical imbalances exist in some people, but I truly believe the majority of us are just sad. It’s not about medication, it’s about learning to become happy—something that is much easier said than done.
And this is where the problem comes full tilt: Because as long as we can think of depression as something that’s cured with a pill, we can think of it as a health issue. When you get into therapy and counseling, though, then you’re a hippie-dippie sort and why should my tax dollars go toward your alternative medicine!
We’re a depressed nation and until we can get together and think about why we’re depressed and how to fix it once and for all, we’re going to remain that way.
But, hey, at least that’s good for the lotto people.
Hey! A quick note at the end of this depressing piece: My Etsy shop is back up and running with a few items. You can head on over to see what I’ve put up.
It was so unimportant that it became important.
About a week ago people from all over the nation were talking about the “Louisville Purge,” a supposedly allotted time in which people of the normally friendly city were encouraged to commit any crimes they so chose. The idea comes from a movie and subsequent sequel that just so happened to come out a month before the Louisville Purge.
The entire thing started much earlier than that, however. It started with a Tweet from a local teenager, which turned into several more Tweets from others. That turned into fliers which were posted around town, which turned into Facebook posts about the fliers. Then the local media got hold of the story. Eventually it was national news.
Nothing happened that Friday night. Nothing of much importance. Besides keeping the police busy with false reports of gunfire and “strange groups of kids,” it was a relatively quiet night.
The police scanner, which was being streamed by somewhere between eighty and one hundred thousand people at its peak, was non-stop. We had extra cops working their beats, and our police chief made a statement that day that they would do everything they could to stop criminals.
But nothing happened! We’re a nice town; we nod to each other at four-way stops, we say hello to each other on the street, we give directions to out-of-towners with a smile. I’ve even been told that our homeless population is more polite than other towns!
So then why did our city have a national spotlight that night and the days before? This is what makes this wholly unimportant event important. Because we did have national attention from media outlets stationed in much bigger cities. We were important in the eyes of the news.
However, we shouldn’t have been. This should never have been given the attention that it was given. It shouldn’t have been picked up by the local news. It shouldn’t have gone viral on the internet. It shouldn’t have ever been a Facebook post. It shouldn’t have even been a stupid flier that only a handful of people would have seen without the web. Hell, I shouldn’t be writing about it right now!
The time given to us by the media would have been better spent on other things—things not only equally as violent, but more violent. Things that were, and are still, important. Things like the events in Ferguson, Missouri.
The happenings in Ferguson are appalling. Not only that an innocent kid was gunned down, but how it was then handled.
The Louisville Metro Police Department did their best to keep the people safe during what ended up being a false threat, but one state over, the police force were just starting to show their force. They even went so far as to throw tear gas and shoot rubber bullets at the press.
We are a nation obsessed with violence, but we’re obsessed with the wrong violence. We treat it like entertainment when it should be something completely different: It should transcend interest and move on to something more akin to duty. It should be our duty to know and understand the violence—the real violence—that takes place not only in our own country, but the world over.
We should make it our duty because that’s the only way to begin halting violence as a whole.
While the jokes were good for the picking—I made my own sarcastic comments about jaywalking all night—the Louisville Purge should never have been anything more than that: A joke. That’s all it was, even if it wasn’t a very good joke. It was a sad and pathetic joke which shed light on our nation and our priorities. It was not news.
Ferguson is news.
Iraq is news.
Gaza is news.
Syria is news.
Ebola is news.
Death is news. And, unfortunately, there’s a lot of unwarranted death to cover. So much that it makes one wish there were some sort of twenty-four hour news channel to cover it all. Unfortunately all our twenty-four hour news channels are too busy covering things that aren’t important. They may give a nod to things that are truly important and, more importantly, news; but not enough. Not nearly enough.
The Louisville Purge was not important. It was not news. But it was covered as such by the media and that’s why it is important—because it shows us that entertainment takes priority over the things we should be paying attention to.
If we don’t pay attention to those things—those things that are actually important—we can’t solve our actual problems.